This is a manner that possibly needs to be taught to grown adults too. This is a manner that when I die, I hope my children have had it instilled in their brains and hearts.
It is the one manner I have no tolerance for if my children do not uphold it. I would rather them fart or burp as loudly as they can in a crowded five-star restaurant. Or forget to say thank you a million times before letting one slip in this manner.
The world, children and adults alike, need to take note. It is absolutely out of control.
Don’t get me wrong, I teach my kids other manners too; I still make them write handwritten thank you cards, please, thank you, opening doors, etc. This is touching on one particular manner.
In the movie Bambi, Bambi, the baby deer, was just born; he is wobbling on his new legs and falls in front of his friend, Thumper.
Thumper asks, “did the young prince fall down?” Bambi’s mother replies, “He’s alright; he is just fine.”
Thumper quips to Bambi’s mother, “He doesn’t walk very well, does he?”
The oblivious bunny is then scolded by his mother, “what did your father tell you this morning?”
Thumper shyly and embarrassingly replies, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
Bambi was made in 1942; the world needs to go back to basics, including this one.
My kids are taught this manner over and over. I reiterate this to them, and here it is: You are to NEVER comment, ask or point out something about someone’s personal appearance unless it is pleasant or positive.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Words very much hurt people; it is what hurt people the most.
The one thing that person focuses on in the mirror is that they think of every day. You never point out anything physically that will hurt their feelings. You are most likely pointing out their biggest insecurity. You just highlighted that insecurity and made it aware that it’s noticeable to others.
If that person wants to offer up why they have scars, differences, disabilities, etc., they will speak to you about it. They will offer an explanation or discuss it. Otherwise, please do not make them feel bad by asking or commenting.
It seems easy, right? Apparently, it is complicated with the way the world is acting right now.
Like cursive writing or thank you notes, manners seemed to disappear when the world wide web was introduced. People hide behind their phones and keyboards and tap in a person’s biggest insecurity. If that person did not have that insecurity prior, they now have one, thanks to a total stranger that took the time out of their day to be hateful. It took seconds to make a negative comment that will likely last a lifetime.
My heart hurts for people on social media or gossip magazines commenting on how celebrities are dressed, what they look like, and why her face looks like that? She’s gained a whole bunch of weight, she’s too skinny, or paparazzi catches the light just right, a little belly pooch or cellulite is exposed for the world to see and talked about. Society has become ok with commenting on people’s personal appearance, and it is now mainstream and acceptable.
Watching Tiktok and reading comments of people with noticeable differences, scars, or even some with not so straight teeth, for example, are bullied by keyboard warriors that are strangers…STRANGERS. People comment even when they seem to be quite perfect for making them feel small and giving them insecurity.
I have even seen mothers crying because someone on TikTok or Instagram called their child or baby ugly. UGLY. How can you call a mother’s child that to her, let alone about a child? The moral decay of society, especially manners, is awry.
Commenting on someone’s personal appearance in person is a big no too. Pointing out something as small as a pimple that is bothering them will ruin their day. Please don’t do it.
In my divorce decree, since I am co-parenting with a narcissist, I had to make a provision in the child custody agreement because I did not want my daughter to be a victim of her own dad’s harsh judgments.
When she was born, he commented how big her ears were that they likely would be my “elf ears.” When I filed, I asked for the provision of “no negative comments or statements made about the child’s physical, mental or emotional being.” Yes, I had to put that in there because I want my child to be uplifted; she will deal with this harsh world already of judgment; she did not need it from her dad either. I made my most crucial manner court-ordered.
My old neighbor had a child that constantly commented and pointed out the negative features of people. Babysitters would not come back because he called them fat; their skin had pimples. The worst was when my daughter went to babysit for them because he ran off most of them with his comments; he told my daughter she looks like a boy. To this day, she says it still hurts her feelings, and she wonders if she, in fact, looks like a boy (she does not, she is beautiful, but it has stuck with her).
My neighbor jokingly laughed along when we were having a conversation outside when he told his own mom she looks fat, and her belly jiggles. My daughter was out, and knowing what I teach them, she thought I would pounce on him.
I was told by a family member at 12 I was getting “heavy” a few times. That comment turned into a raging eating disorder that still lingers at 39 years old.
If you scold your child for getting in trouble at school for bullying or your child is being bullied at school, and you happen to be on TikTok, Instagram, or any other form of social media platform commenting in any negative manner about someone, you are a hypocrite. Nobody is perfect but do better. Teach your kids to comment or asking about someone’s personal appearance in a negative light is, in fact, bullying.
There is too much hate and hurt in this world. Make someone feel good about themselves should be the focus of your words coming out of your mouth or on your keyboard. Hiding behind a keyboard saying whatever they wanted to people they did not even know. Potentially hurting them for life with an unwarranted comment.
If you do not have something nice to say, do not say it. If you’d like to say something, point out something positive and make that person feel good. The positive comment will likely allow you to feel good too to uplift someone. It is really that simple.